It has been months since I’ve updated this blog and I’m still unsure if I’ll be able to keep it updated as often as before…
My life has changed so much this year. In February, my life took a totally different direction. My marriage of almost 8 years ended. The biggest adjustment has been going about life only seeing my son every other week. Going from seeing him every single day to seeing him for 7 days at a time and then not seeing him for 7 days has been tough. I have cried and cried and cried and missed him so much, but having a child does not save a marriage. Even though it has been tough, for me, it was the best decision.
So this is my life now. I’m a single mother. I work full-time. I am 5 classes away from finally having my undergraduate degree in Marketing. I manage the accounts at River Region CrossFit. I feel guilty when I don’t spend every minute possible with my son. I also feel guilty when I pick my son up from daycare, take him to the box and WOD while someone else is taking care of him. It is hard for me to totally dedicate my mind to WODing when I feel like I should be with my son. It’s tough.
Through the stress, I have tried to just get through each day. My goals for my journey have not been lost and they are still there, but right now – I’m just trying to overcome the stress. So much happens to your soul when you go through a divorce and all I need is support from friends and family. I don’t need lectures or to be told what I am doing is wrong, I just need a shoulder to lean on when things get tough. I need a listening ear when I have a bad day. I need someone to tell me I am a great mother when I miss my son.
I haven’t given up on my fitness. I haven’t given up on CrossFit. I haven’t given up on myself. All that being said, I do have bad days. I have days of anxiety. I have days of depression. It is there and I cannot escape it, but I also have many days of happiness. I do have someone in my life other than my son who contributes to making me feel good about myself. Our meeting was unexpected, but I do not regret it. The timing wasn’t the best, but again I wouldn’t change it….
Just a few days ago I was talking to my coach and friend, Josh, about my life. I have confided in him along the way. He doesn’t let me give up on myself and helps me remember to “keep things Fletch.” I beat myself up all the time because when I am able to WOD - I’m still scaling all my WODs. In December, it will be two years since I started the CrossFit lifestyle and I should be RXing all my WODs. Josh reminds me that my life since February has been turned upside down and I’ll get back to where I was…it will just take time.
For now, I cannot make new goals. I cannot say, “this is what I’ll do next.” At this point, I can only deal with the current and present moments in my life and take it day by day, and remember each day is a new day.