No Longer a Victim

27 Jan

It’s been almost two years since my last post. I wish that I could tell you that I kept the weight off and kept CrossFitting, but I can’t.  The past two years have been great, but so incredibly stressful and hard at the same time.

In the summer of 2013, I became real sick – nothing ever seemed to help.  I ended up having sinus surgery.  I really hoped that would fix the issue, but it didn’t.  While recovering from the flu, I started having some bad back and side pain, which prompted a trip to the doctor.  After being told I was basically making it up, for whatever reason…the doctor sent me to the ER for a CT scan with contrast of my chest.  The outcome showed a nodule and swollen lymph nodes in my right lung.  The doctor proceeded to tell me that I had one of three things:  1) Tuberculosis  2) a lung disease or  3) cancer.  Let’s just say that in a matter of minutes, my entire life shattered.  The next day was full of tests to check for tuberculosis and other issues, and I was referred to a pulmonologist.  The pulmonologist put me on a 3 month rotation of CT scans to be sure the nodule didn’t increase in size.

While going through this, my then boyfriend went in to aFib.  His resting heart rate was over 180 beats per minute.  It took almost 24 hours for his heart to convert to a regular heart rate.  Fast forward to December, my then husband had a procedure to look behind his heart.  The results showed that he was born with a congenital heart defect.  He had a bicuspid aortic valve that needed to replaced especially since he was already showing symptoms.  Less than three months later, my 28 year old husband was having open heart surgery.

A few weeks prior to his open heart surgery, I got sick…again.  My blood results showed a positive ANA marker, which means you can also test positive for having an autoimmune disease like lupus.  So here I go…to another doctor…to wait for a yet another diagnosis.  I found out that day that I have fibromyalgia with the possibility of developing rheumatoid arthritis.  Currently, I am tested every 3-6 months for rheumatoid arthritis.

Stress and tears were all I felt when I thought about the future.  Will I be able to work for much longer?  What is going to happen to me?  What about my son?  What about my new husband?

A couple of weeks ago, I sat and cried for a while and thought about the past two years. And you know what?  I can’t change what I’m going through, but I can try my hardest to make living with it easier.  Being overweight isn’t going to help my joint pain or my illness.  Being overweight isn’t going to help anything, it’s just going to add to the list of issues I’m already dealing with.

It’s going to be hard…probably harder than the first time, but for the first time in two years, I feel like I can do it again.  As a result, I started CrossFit again this past Monday and I already feel better about myself.  I’m no longer treating myself as a victim – instead I’m telling myself that I CAN do this.  I CAN get my life back on track.  I CAN be a better wife, mother and friend.

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2 Responses to “No Longer a Victim”

  1. Shawna January 27, 2016 at 5:40 pm #

    I am truly happy that you are being cared for thru your doctors and your new family.I am even happier to find out you are pushing thru with the hand that was dealt ya. You have gotten mad i am sure… grieved….and prayed……..getting back in this story of life and being grateful for each day is a challenge each day….keep blogging because it is encouraging to others and your good at it. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. –

    • shickman January 29, 2016 at 5:01 pm #

      Thank you so much, Shawna. I was most definitely angry and depressed. I feel so much better now that I’ve let it go. I hope you are doing well. 🙂

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